Understanding U.S. Newspapers and Their Readers

    1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

    2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

    3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country,
      and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

    4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country, but don't really
      understand The New York Times.

    5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country,
      if they could find the time and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

    6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country
      and did a poor job of it.

    7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's
      running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on
      the train.

    8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running
      the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably
      while intoxicated.

    9. The Chicago Tribune is read by people that are in prison that used to run the
      state, and would like to do so again, as would their constituents that are
      currently free on bail.

    10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country,
      but need the baseball scores.

    11. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a
      country or that anyone is running it, but if so, they oppose all that they
      stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are gay,
      handicapped, a minority, feminists, or atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal
      aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they
      are not Republicans.

    12. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

    13. The Seattle Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish and
      need something to wrap it in.